Don't look at me, I just want to get this over with...

That morning I awoke feeling nervous and anxious. I was having surgery today. I was about to find out if the cancer had spread or if it was contained to one area. Surgery was the only way for us to know for sure.

When we got to the hospital that morning, I felt sick to my stomach. I'm not sure if I was just completely nervous from what was about to happen... or from the bowel prep the night before. Regardless... I felt no need to talk to anyone and I simply wanted to wallow in my own shell.

Paul was fully aware of my "don't look at me, I just want to get this over with" attitude... and quickly took over. He checked me in and we were ushered to the other side of the reception area. I felt like a herd of cows... there were a lot of us "cows" just waiting our turn for surgery that day.

That's when "she" showed up. Couldn't she tell I had the look of "don't look at me, I just want to get this over with..."?? Apparently not. She was an older woman in her 90's. She probably did this voluntarily to help bring comfort to patients. It did not bring me comfort, it made me uncomfortable and more nervous than what I already was. She was wearing a long skirt with large tennis shoes, a sweater and a cross wrapped around her neck. I wondered if she was a nun.

She came over and read the sweater I had put on that morning. It was one of Paul's sweaters that's extremely comfortable... this was my only reason for wearing it that day, nothing more. The words said "Good Doctors are Integrity Doctors". This was a slogan for some "doctor" company... can't remember which now. This woman decided to approach me with saying "Integrity is really so important, isn't it?". Ummm... was I supposed to respond to that? Again.. Paul took over. He carried on the conversation with her. He allowed me to stay in my shell and not respond too much.

When she finally wrapped things up she told Paul to take good care of me and make sure I had support after surgery. Okay, maybe this conversation wasn't so bad after all.

...

They finally called my name. It felt like a million years... although I'm sure it was only 20 minutes. I was ushered into the back surgery prep room. All the "cows" came back here, got on their gowns and socks and waited yet again.

I was just getting into a really good game of Bejeweled on my cell phone when a nurse came in to ask some questions. She first started with the usual: name, age, birth date, allergies, etc. Then she asked "Have you fallen down in the past 6 months?" I kind of chuckled to myself and said, "I don't know, I may have tripped over something, I am kind of a klutz!" She looked at me and said, "This question is really for much older people, this probably doesn't apply to you." Right, I almost forgot how young I was...

After the nurse left, another lady came in. She was here for a cancer study. She looked like a student and she looked about my age. I received a phone call and packet a few weeks prior to surgery asking if I would participate in this cancer study. I was considered a very unusual case because of the lack of family cancer history and my age. I agreed to do the study, although I'll have no idea of the results. They wanted to keep my anonymity so that the scientists working on this study won't be bias. I signed a few forms allowing them to take whatever samples they needed from me. At least I would be of some use during this surgery.

I was then taken by another nurse to another surgery prep room. This is where I received my bed and IV's, one in each arm. I knew I was getting close, and I'm sure I had the look of "don't look at me, I just want to get this over with". Paul sat next to me and started singing me TobyMac songs, this made me laugh.

...