I wrote this for KLove's (Christian radio station) Sanctus Real story contest. I only had a 250 word limit, so I condensed BIG TIME... I know I'm usually a bit wordy.
"There is no heartbeat." Those were the words I replayed over and over in my head for almost a year. Our overwhelming joy of trying to grow our family came to a complete halt. These were the only words I heard and remember from my doctor appointment that day.
I was angry and discouraged with God. And I couldn't understand why this was happening.
After a year I was pregnant again, while sitting on pins and needles, I kept thinking something was going to be wrong. I just knew it.
There was something wrong, only with me, not the baby. While pregnant my doctors discovered a growth on one of my ovaries, gone undetected until this point.
I was soon diagnosed with ovarian cancer. I became a new mother to a healthy baby boy and was now facing cancer all within the same day.
I asked God one question, "Why?"
My question was answered with a very direct "why not."
I soon realized God's timing was everything. Through the 2nd pregnancy the cancer was found early, at a Stage 1. My beautiful baby boy saved my life, but more importantly God saved my life. He loved me unconditionally even though I was so angry with Him.
What an amazing God we have.
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