Don't look at me, I just want to get this over with...

That morning I awoke feeling nervous and anxious. I was having surgery today. I was about to find out if the cancer had spread or if it was contained to one area. Surgery was the only way for us to know for sure.

When we got to the hospital that morning, I felt sick to my stomach. I'm not sure if I was just completely nervous from what was about to happen... or from the bowel prep the night before. Regardless... I felt no need to talk to anyone and I simply wanted to wallow in my own shell.

Paul was fully aware of my "don't look at me, I just want to get this over with" attitude... and quickly took over. He checked me in and we were ushered to the other side of the reception area. I felt like a herd of cows... there were a lot of us "cows" just waiting our turn for surgery that day.

That's when "she" showed up. Couldn't she tell I had the look of "don't look at me, I just want to get this over with..."?? Apparently not. She was an older woman in her 90's. She probably did this voluntarily to help bring comfort to patients. It did not bring me comfort, it made me uncomfortable and more nervous than what I already was. She was wearing a long skirt with large tennis shoes, a sweater and a cross wrapped around her neck. I wondered if she was a nun.

She came over and read the sweater I had put on that morning. It was one of Paul's sweaters that's extremely comfortable... this was my only reason for wearing it that day, nothing more. The words said "Good Doctors are Integrity Doctors". This was a slogan for some "doctor" company... can't remember which now. This woman decided to approach me with saying "Integrity is really so important, isn't it?". Ummm... was I supposed to respond to that? Again.. Paul took over. He carried on the conversation with her. He allowed me to stay in my shell and not respond too much.

When she finally wrapped things up she told Paul to take good care of me and make sure I had support after surgery. Okay, maybe this conversation wasn't so bad after all.

...

They finally called my name. It felt like a million years... although I'm sure it was only 20 minutes. I was ushered into the back surgery prep room. All the "cows" came back here, got on their gowns and socks and waited yet again.

I was just getting into a really good game of Bejeweled on my cell phone when a nurse came in to ask some questions. She first started with the usual: name, age, birth date, allergies, etc. Then she asked "Have you fallen down in the past 6 months?" I kind of chuckled to myself and said, "I don't know, I may have tripped over something, I am kind of a klutz!" She looked at me and said, "This question is really for much older people, this probably doesn't apply to you." Right, I almost forgot how young I was...

After the nurse left, another lady came in. She was here for a cancer study. She looked like a student and she looked about my age. I received a phone call and packet a few weeks prior to surgery asking if I would participate in this cancer study. I was considered a very unusual case because of the lack of family cancer history and my age. I agreed to do the study, although I'll have no idea of the results. They wanted to keep my anonymity so that the scientists working on this study won't be bias. I signed a few forms allowing them to take whatever samples they needed from me. At least I would be of some use during this surgery.

I was then taken by another nurse to another surgery prep room. This is where I received my bed and IV's, one in each arm. I knew I was getting close, and I'm sure I had the look of "don't look at me, I just want to get this over with". Paul sat next to me and started singing me TobyMac songs, this made me laugh.

...

Pre-Surgery Prep

Pre-Surgery Prep

48 hours of a liquid diet. I could do this. I just had to get through 2 grueling days of eating nothing. Celebrities do it all the time, what did I have to lose? Except for a few pounds still packed on from "baby weight". No biggie!

I had to keep my mind busy. If I got bored, I'd find some excuse to eat something. Saturday morning would be easy........... a baby shower. I could focus on chatting with other people, enjoying the company and play the typical baby shower games. Crap. Forgot they would have an AMAZING food spread. Chocolate covered strawberries, cupcakes, pasta, deviled eggs, mixed fruit, etc, etc, etc. Everyone was eating around me, but I held strong. I DID NOT eat anything!

After the shower I went home and ate some jello, yum.

That afternoon is foggy, I have no recollection of what I did the rest of that day. I'm imagining my body was in a complete and total state of shock. I must have been walking around in a daze trying to figure out how I was going to continue this charade over the next 45 hours (yes, by this time it had only been 3 hours).

For dinner I remember having chicken broth, yum.

Drinking lots of water helped through this process, it made me "fill" full, even though we all know very well I was starving!

The next morning we loaded up the kiddos to grandma's house. This would be my first over-night trip without Tyson, who was only 3 months. I was a nervous wreck. At least thinking of him helped me not think of food.

We drove to Seattle, this also preoccupied my time to not think about food. Even though Paul decided to eat a big juicy cheeseburger loaded with french fries along the way. (He did try to hold out as long as he could!)

We landed in Seattle, downtown 5th Street. Our hotel was right in the heart of the shopping district. I was soooo envious of everyone going about their Sunday afternoon shopping, laughing and having a great time.

I, on the other hand, was not about to have a great time. I would be spending the next 8 hours locked up in our hotel room. Two words... bowel prep.


...

Fluke Incident

Does this run in the family? Will my daughter need to worry about this in the future? Do my sisters and mom need to be checked?

Being told I had cancer was a complete shock to me. No one in our family had ever been diagnosed (that we're aware of) and the thought of it showing up was scary. This sort of thing just didn't happen to "our family".

I knew I needed to be tested to see if harmful BRCA1 or BRCA2 genes showed up in my blood work. On the chance this test showed a positive my entire female family would need to be checked (they didn't have to, but for precautions it would have been wise).

I was extremely concerned for my daughters future, I had to know for her sake.

The test came back negative. Thank God! What does this mean? Why was I diagnosed with cancer?

This means it was a fluke incident.

....

We were sitting at the hospital again, this started to be routine for us. Just as we sat down and got settled into reading a good article from the nearby magazines, my name was called. They always botch it, at least I could still find this amusing.

We zig-zagged through the hallways to a small office. As we sat down at a round circlular table I started staring at my surroundings. Above her desk was a book shelf that had medical books ranging from "Breast Cancer" to "Family Genetics". A young lady started helping me to try and figure out my family history, my family cancer history that is. I wondered how much schooling she had to do this. I wondered if we were the same age. I noticed small child-like drawings around her desk, and wondered if she was a mom or an aunt, I assumed mom.

She pulled out a blank white sheet of paper. "This is how you're going to connect the dots to my genetic family history?" I thought. She started with my parents. She drew a circle for my mom and a box for my dad. She then drew lines to their four children, all female, all circles. She continued this same pattern with my mom's side of the family. There were a lot of circles for a lot of females. My dad's side was much smaller and few women to count for.

She asked the same question over and over. "Does/Did this person have any type of cancer?" No, was my answer for everyone. When we were complete going back to as much family as I can remember, she stopped. The blank white sheet of paper was now filled with boxes and circles and lines drawing from one family member to the next. She had created my family tree. What was eerie about this was that she put an "X" over anyone deceased. I didn't like that.

Her drawing became inconclusive. To my knowledge, no one in my family has had ovarian or breast cancer, at least no one with my direct link. She thought my chances of having cancer genetically was very slim, but to be sure, blood work was necessary.

I had been poked so many times with a needle by now, what difference did it make? We made our way up to the vampire labs AKA blood labs. I knew right where to go, this was nothing new to me. The woman who took my blood, however, must have been. This was the first time that it hurt so bad when she stabbed me with the needle into my vain. I decided she was a vampire. Her hands were cold and she jabbed me with the needle so hard that it almost brought tears to my eyes. I left with a bruise.

Now my blood was going to be sent to the only lab in the entire United States who would run this test. The cost was high. If my insurance didn't want to cover this, we were looking at around $5,000.00. We really couldn't afford this, but the thought of not knowing was worse than the bill.

Due to my age (anyone before the age of 40) is likely to have their insurance cover this test. We were also told that once they received my blood work, they would bill my insurance and if the bill exceeded $275.00, we would get a call to confirm if we still wanted to continue. If the bill was less, then we wouldn't get a phone call, but would get a bill.

We received neither. For me (and with my insurance) it was a free test. I guess my insurance decided it was best I know this information. (Thank you insurance!).

The results of the test came back negative. My family was okay. My daughters chances of having cancer went from a risk of 50% down to 4%. It was a "fluke" incident.

A fluke incident that had to be dealt with.

...

For more information on this test:

http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/factsheet/Risk/BRCA 

Or, please contact me directly and I can provide you with the information of the nice young lady who "drew" my family tree (locally for Tri-City, WA area only).

....